autoimmunity and midlife crises, part 2.

12Aug19

I wrote about this before, how having chronic illness makes me want to do things NOW and not postpone anything in life…

I had yet another realization just a few days ago: as I’m surrounded by people (anyone, really) transitioning to bigger and better jobs, and I work for a university that helps non-traditional students advance themselves in life by finding the career they always wanted… I’m honestly happy for the people who get the job that they want, really.

But that isn’t what I want anymore. Jobs don’t thrill me. Better jobs don’t thrill me.

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. Everyone would love not to work. Right? But once again, I’m brought back to the urgency of life, and of time, when I have chronic illness, and its constant fatigue, weighing me down.

The better job is just a means to an end. If and when I get them, I’m happy in the sense that they’ll get me more benefits, or more money, or whatever I need to do to eventually stop working. But I’ve been realizing that the work in and of itself no longer excites me… because it just leaves my body and brain exhausted.

Perhaps this is yet another MS whine, but #invisiblesymptom.

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