what’s done is done

20May15

Since my MS diagnosis almost 3 years ago, and especially since my scary abdominal surgeries and complications last year (cancer scare + complications to surgeries that nearly killed me–literally), I’ve been taking the bull by the horns and doing meaningful things in life. Sometimes, that means going quite a bit out of my comfort zone.

My husband and I do quite a bit of volunteer work for our local community theater, Edmonds Driftwood Players. Great little community of mostly volunteers, keeping community theater alive for those of us who will never be big-name musicians but have some talent. πŸ™‚ Well… there’s a summer festival of short shows, and a few people (husband included) encouraged me to audition. (YIKES!) Now…….. I’ve done theater auditions, but that was in college, and I graduated 20 years ago. Since then, I’ve only done music (instrumental/vocal).

This past Sunday night, I performed a short monologue for the producer of the show (who is a friend) and the 5 directors of the shows (one of whom I know). It seemed the more and more I rehearsed the piece in the 2 days before, the more I’d forget–it was like it became a rote series of words, and not so much a story. (Like memorizing a foreign language, and not really understanding it…) Anyway, there were a few spots in the opening paragraph, where I had a… long pause. The producer asked me if I wanted to start over, and I defiantly told her NO! I found my spot, and kept on going. πŸ˜€

I was nervous. I was shaky. I am a public speaker by trade, and I’m rarely nervous at work, but a) I don’t have to have my words exact (or close to exact–yes, I ad-libbed the monologue here and there) and b) I’m not in front of superiors–I’m in front of either peers or students. Not only that, but my acting experience is SOOOOOO outdated that, even though I kept telling myself that this is only for the experience of going through an audition, I felt like I was so small and they were so big. Sigh. I hope I didn’t make too much of a fool out of myself. I don’t remember a whole lot, other than that minutes 2 and 3 (out of a 3ish minute piece) went pretty well, I thought.

I don’t know what will come of it. If anything. I was nervous as hell. But… it stretched me. Looking back, I’m trying to think what I got out of it all… (other than stress) Unfortunately, I don’t know if I’d be any less nervous at a second audition, if I did this again next year. Maybe try it again and start earlier and perform for more groups first?

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3 Responses to “what’s done is done”

  1. 1 Steve Yool

    This is SO fantastic! Give it all you’ve got (I know you will)! πŸ™‚

  2. Sounds like you recovered quickly and delivered your message well. That kind of speaking to groups has been a cognitive casualty of MS for me. I can write my thoughts on paper and read them, but my concentration is compromised enough that I can only read instead of speak from memory or even with notes. I’m glad I can still pull my thoughts together on paper as it serves a number of purposes – the strongest of which is therapy for my soul.

    • Yes! It was definitely a huge challenge for me, which is weird… since I do public speaking as part of my job several times a week, with no fear at all. Oh well–I like pushing myself a little out of my comfort zone, and I think I did that well. πŸ™‚


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