the title of the blog


Today’s the day! We’re all thinking about things we’re going to change in the new year–do better, do differently, some so drastically that the resolution won’t stick beyond two weeks.

But I’ve done that post already. So it doesn’t make sense for me to revisit a major list of things to change. (You can think of them all you want! Think big!)

Recently, we visited a handful of friends on the east coast over the holiday break–one of which we hadn’t seen for over a decade, and another (a relative) which we visit every few years. I felt, the whole time, that my mental/conversational agility ain’t what it used to be. Which leads me to wonder: is it me? Is it MS? Is it simply “getting older”? I have a handful of theories:

1. We went into the trip right at the end of the quarter (for me) after having taught a new class and worked on a proposal for another, and working 7 days a week hasn’t given my brain enough of a mental break.

2. I’m so used to working at home, alone (when not with my students) that I don’t have so much conversational practice anymore.

3. In conversation, there’s so much “talking over each other” and interruption these days, and I aim to let my students finish their point rather than interrupting–so it’s hard for me to break that habit.

4. MS is, sadly, slowing down my brain and its thought processes.

5. All or some of the above. (Is this a multiple choice test?)

Anyway, I realized in the days after the visit that I was so intent on maintaining my good impression from years ago, whatever that was, despite my brain having slowed down. But why am I pretending to be someone I’m not? After all… what did I call this blog? In Search Of My New Normal… Right. Which means I have to figure out what that new normal is, and learn to adapt to it, rather than shoehorn myself into what I used to be.

Not only that, but be comfortable with the new normal. Be fine with it. And 95% of the time, I am. Just the occasional time that the brain and body frustrate me. And for all I know, my concentration problems could merely be a general fatigue issue and not MS-related at all. But as I’ve said before, MS is quick to get the blame for everything that goes wrong in my life.

So I guess another piece to add to my annual review would be to have a little more patience with myself when it comes to those focus and concentration problems, because the stress I add to it will only compound.

Happy New Year, everyone.


One Response to “the title of the blog”

  1. Happy New Year.

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