there is only forward… lessons from ms, again.

23Jun14

Back when I was initially diagnosed with MS in 2012, my neurologist diagnosed me off of an MRI from 2005. Meaning… I’d had signs of it since then. And the neuro I’d been seeing in 2005–who I’d been told had a good reputation–should have caught it, rather than blowing the report of “demyelination” off as “nothing” when I pressed him about it.

After my actual diagnosis, my mind went immediately litigious. I even called an ambulance-chasing lawyer for a consult. (The reality being, since we don’t truly know how MS drugs such as Rebif work, we don’t know that I would be any better off now if I’d gotten started with drugs back in 2005… so I don’t really have a case.)

But after the legal consultation, I started thinking: would I have been any better off knowing I had MS in 2005? Or was the 7 years of blissful ignorance a better way to go? (Disclaimer: I’m still mostly asymptomatic, so going until 2012 without a disease-modifying drug probably was fine.) I would have had 7 more years of injections, likely with harsher drugs, considering MS drug technology has vastly improved even in the past 10 years. Seven more years of stress and worry, back in a time when I had a less carefree attitude about life.

What I’m trying to say: I can’t change things, and the legal consultation helped me see that more clearly. I can take care of my body through diet and exercise to maintain the good health that I have, and keep on moving forward. What would be the point of sitting around and whining about that first neurologist? (NB: He is retired, so don’t worry that he would potentially make the same mistake with someone else.)

Don’t look back!

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