when i became fearful


I used to think I had very little fear. Jumping from heights, OK. That’s a healthy fear I’ve always had. Eating organ meats… maybe a slightly irrational fear.

But with what’s been going on recently… I’ve become a lot more fearful of the every day. Fearful of even getting in a car and driving down to Seattle to work. What if they didn’t get all of the scar tissue? What if I start feeling all of those symptoms again?

What if I start feeling like hell in front of my students and have to bail 5 minutes into class?

My life has suddenly become a big giant WHAT IF. Not even a few months ago, I was planning a European adventure for my 40th birthday this August. Luckily, I hadn’t booked anything yet. Now, I feel it’s too late, and I feel like I can’t commit.

I am just under a week out of a third abdominal surgery in 7 weeks’ time… but I’m becoming an old worrywart.

On the other hand, this truly is turning my MS into mere background noise. Maybe that’s a good thing?

3 Responses to “when i became fearful”

  1. I want to say hi , I don’t know your circumstances but know what it’s like to fear so Im sending you all the best wishes and love and hope at some point, whenever it might be that you have a great 40th celebration xx

    • Thanks for the support, Tabitha! I’ve been through a whole string of abdominal inflammation resulting form scar tissue from multiple surgeries… and I’m playing around with nutrition even more. My last nutrition lecture of the quarter (in just over two weeks) will involve a case study… myself… showing the students that just because the standard rules say fruits and vegetables, high fiber is the standard “healthy” diet for everyone, that not everyone’s body follows the rules all the time. Flexibility is key!

  1. 1 subtle reminders | In Search of My New Normal

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